Tuesday, December 23, 2008
sucks
What would happen if i accept a job offer to work overseas?
Should i?
No..not that it's happening...
but my fren posed this to me...
i stunned awhile..
would i really accept it...?
to leave all these frenz behind...
the familiarity....the everything..and everything...
and wat if i leave?
i guess at least i'll be happy that i'll be away from my family...
a phone call in the evening re-iterated this point...
Bro: "Eh are you working this holidays?"
Me: "erh no ah why?"
Bro: " then u got enough money meh?"
Me: "erh...no ah..but ok la..."
Bro: "then why u not working ah? and i heard from Dad that you are going Thailand sommore..u alot of money ah?"
Me: "no? money is from my work in citibank the last time i work wat...i never ask money from u also wat...! this holiday is the short one how to work ? which company wanna hire someone for 1month plus i got ict sommore!!!"
Bro: " then you just spend wat u have meh...u canot learn to save ah??"
Me: "i work when i can like during the long holidays wat...i dun really ask u for extra money anyway!"
Bro: "ok..i just want you to know how to save up..."
and as i alighted from a wrong bus stop and walked towards Tanah Merah..i felt a pang of pain...
i hated this feelling of being probed by pple(esp family members) who dun understand...
can't they understand that all these years i've been trying to be very independent from them...as much as i could...though financially i really cant(tats 1reason why i can't wait to grad and work..)....i rem i worked both my jc holidays to sponsor my own thailand trips...i rem ORD-ing and working to hard to have money to go thailand and also for the start of a new life in sch...
i tried working through 1sem of sch...but seriously tiring...and i can't handle..and ended up v so tired...and that sem's results were v bad...(not tat it got any better..)..but then the point is...i really tried..
everyone asked me to do tuition for the easy money...
yea! i noe! godammnit...but i can't teach.....i noe i can't! cos after the army i really become stupid-ed..
i dun rem how to do my complicated calculus...nor how to explain econs questions well enough...
i dun want to have the responsibility of someone's results in my hands..and expected to turn it for the better! i cant do it if i dun have the confidence to do it...
i also try to pay for everything myself...
i pay my own insurance and my own hp bills from my own pocket money since army times..
every sem's new books i also get the money from the pocket money i get...and i dun ask for extra just because it's the start of a new sem and i need to get new books....
i dun even like to get money from them if i really could seriously...
and i hate it when he tells me: "eh if u not enough money get from me..dun borrow from other pple ah.."
like yar..get from him and then have to listen to him niam me about how i dun work and just get money from him? Forget it...
and anyway..next year this time my house prolly gonna be rented out...since my eldest brother is getting a HDB with his gf..and since my elder bro's alr gotten his condo..with my parents moved in...
im the only "burden" left....
and well this burden should just leave then...cos if i leave the country for work..i dun have to have to stay with either of my brothers..and be dependent on them..AGAIN..
it sucks...like now cos they're financing my studies..and i just try to help out with watever i can..
small things like buying batteries, toilet detergent or wash the toilet...yea..been there done that..
Calling god-aunt to get names from their side of the family for the wedding invites when i'm like in school...(gosh..they have phones and they get me to call..)
writing excuse letters for my younger brother...(like im the only literate person in the family..)
it totally spoilt my mood for anything...
and totally sian...spoilt my nite my watever nice excited mood for thailand...
and i was still thinking of getting a suit done over in thailand for my brother's wedding..so as to make him look good...
now..Forget it..growL! i'll SAVE that money instead..
I just wanna have a holiday after a year of studying, trainings and working...
i need my break also lor...haiz...
cant wait to go away...so they can freaking stop asking me wats my plans after graduating...
Dad:"eh when u graduating ah?
Me:"next year may.."
Dad:"now recession leh...wats ur plans?"
Me: -_-}}
Like i dun read the news? like im not worried?
gosh....im not like those engineers or biz students who gets internship or IA from their faculty straight..and then high chance they get recruited before they graduate...
and i myself not sure of wat area i wanna go into...
and since times are bad now...wouldn't it be better that i wait out n see if things turn better within the next half a year(not tat it'll be tat fast...but definitely something will pick up..)?
im equally worried also...and yar i wish i could "Study honours/one more year la..times are bad ma.."
i wish it was as easily done than said..but im not those super zai students...
one thing is for sure...
even if i have to sweep the roadside, i also wont stay home after grad and expect to be an ah siah kia...
i noe i dun have sucha life....
yar..maybe i should just go overseas to work given a chance..
sigh..
and start afresh..
Air Turbulence at 3:36 AM