Monday, October 16, 2006
Black Hole in my Brain?
Have u ever encountered something that u thought of really hard and think its impt and then when u actually want to pen it down or rem it like some time after and u cant??? I always have this...its strange but yes...i encounter this EVERYtime i wanna blog....and tats one reason why i dun feel like blogging....cos i cannot rem wat i wanna blog abt and everytime i try to blog i will end up writing some gibberish stuffs...tat are like grievances or whines from deep down...It happens when i try to do my Essays TOO!!....i hate myself....
I dunno wat i really wanna be in the future....there's a lot of stuffs i wanna try tat i haven tried cos i fear of failing....and its true....cos i normally fail when i try....(ok except during those trivial 8days movie contests)
Xingjian said something very true to me which i always rem... "so are u going to give up just because u fail so many times or are u gonna pick urself up and try til u succeed?"
Hmm really seriously i always try..its jus feeling jaded when u try TOO much...and yet fail u noe...but yar...i noe when i need to try harder--my studies!!
I wanna venture into alot of things actually...i wanted to try being an Emcee...had a chance in exposure when i Emcee SYF last yr...but too bad tat was my only chance...(call out to all potential pple who needs Emcees...and willing to try a NEWB hah) had a lot of dreams....thinking tat hey...i might be the next talent to be unravelled leh..haha....yar...but i guess dreams are dreams...but truth behold such tat i dun really have such unique talents to pass me off as good enough...~ haha..yes i do noe where i stand...They say Efforts pay...not necessary all the time..but yar..its good to attempt...Perhaps its because the black hole in my brain sucks the talent out of me before i even had the chance to use it properly..
I miss memories...I think memories are the most beautiful things the black hole didnt manage to take outta my brain...i love my memories...
memories of my first kiss with a girl in kindergarten...(we were young yes..)
memories of getting praised in kindergarten..
memories of crashing a kindergarten play rehearsals with my maid telling my teacher i wanna act in it..(yea..i was too shy to say...but i wanted to act...)
memories of my mum's death
Memories of my first award....
memories of playing zero point in primary sch(yes guys were playing)..
memories of times being so sick i dreamt of ghosts and talked nonsense(yes i did tat before or mayb i was really seeing ghosts then)....
memories of being chased after by girls asking me to be their godbrothers on the 1st day of Sec sch(wasn't because im shuai ok?its not!i looked so nerdish then!)
memories of exchanging letters with godsisters...
memories of having Scouts every fri/sat during sec sch n never complaining...
memories of the old Anglican High with the old blocks and old teachers tat pronounced Ions as Eons,Ammonia as ARmonia..(yes they were in existence...)
memories of having a D7 for my Higher chinese in Prelims despite getting an A1 for Normal chinese in O levels.
Memories of getting into YJC first 3 months..(yes...i stay bedok..imagine...)
Memories of getting BEST speaker in YJC for the first ever formal debate i participated and being so impressive and not nervous tat i cant believe i did so well...(Prob because i dunno anyone there at that time)..
Memories of being in TPJC...02S16
Memories playing softball and training so hard all day long without complaining...
memories of attending a funeral of my ex sec school classmate..
memories of playing A' Division with the nothing to lose mentality and having so so so much fun with the bunch of great frenz i had...yea...kenny charmaine calvin and nadia..u guys rocked and still rock me...
memories of my game in NJC and getting scolded by coach so badly i cried and getting banned for 2games by him...
memories of first day in Army....stepping on the boat with kenny....
memories of BMT....missin my bunk mates....cos they were such a such a great bunch of fun and we rocked the whole platoon they had to come our section bunk since we were the Funkiest around..
memories of Sispec..being the most rotten place on Earth u can be in...and its not jus in terms of accommodation..
memories of bike course when i had the most fun learning things....i failed like shit and yet i managed to get back up with the bike after all...not forgetting gotten closer with frenz like Ziqin, Baisheng...
memories of BRC...lotsa overseas exercises that i almost tot i was an air steward with Thai Inter and lotsa sai kang i tot i was a Bhangla..
memories of thailand frenz i made during army....thai soldiers and canteen vendors...(yes cos i speak thai)
memories of free bag and shirts and boxers i got from WanDee(a shop in the canteen that sells apparels,souvenirs and watches) in thailand...and with ZiQin spreading the word for me...
memories of going into the first pub..
memories of going into the first gay or supposedly gay pub...
memories of working in Borders Bookstore...with all of them...u noe who u ARE!!
memories of winning the first award there for selling the most number of Harry Potter books..
memories of customers being so satisfied with me they say i deserve a GEMs Card..
memories of Arts Camp...lotsa fun pple i gotta noe there.....u guys rocked me hard in 5days ..
memories of winning BEst freshie in Arts Camp so unexpectedly....i never tot i was TAT ra-ra..
memories of Thailand trip...met lotsa new frenz and bought lotsa new stuffs there...haha..yes...
memories of Daniel and Lionel with their blonde moments...and Daniel with his Disgusting moments(never can forget!)
memories of NUS.......and gang...and lotsa assssssssignments, readings and essays that drive me nuts...................................
any more memories...? well...actually alot...this is jus briefly...
well...u were part of my memories somehow or rather...yea...if u still managed to stick thru with me for so long and still reading my blog...thanks..
will i be able to carve something i call myself in the future? or will i jus dwell in the memories of mine? perhaps something in the balance...i hope i do.. =)
lets jus say...things arent tat nice now...and i dun noe whether it'll be sucked into my black hole...or remains as memories..
Air Turbulence at 11:41 PM