Thursday, September 08, 2005
enough is enough...im tired...grievances...
Im tired of being the outcast..why am i always the one?its jus so not fair...i haven been treating people badly nor have i been the super attitude kinda guy...so why am i treated this way?
Im upset in taiwan..haven't been much happy here...there's so few of us that came here..but i dun feel tat im part of the group at all..they share and wash laundry jus without me..someone would be asking..but jus not asking me..only the first time i washed with them...and i rem i was quite pestering abt it...cos i heard they wanna wash and rushed to wash also..otherwise i dun think i would be able to..
the 2nd time of washing i knew the nite before and i rem saying i wanna wash too and next morning before i knew it they took the laundry while i was gonna bathe..when i said i wanna wash,1 of them jus said they already collected le...so wat am i supposed to do ? so this time after outfield i keep asking them eh u all wanna wash clothes?share eh share eh..then all say the next day..then next day also never..then today when i woke up i asked them whether they wanna wash clothes they say they washed liao...haiz...did i do anything wrong?
Then outfield, 2 of them kept mentioning that why should u come here ?why come here and suffer when u noe u will get rashes..i dunno whether its of concern or of sarcasm..if i have to go thru another rash outbreak in taiwan jus so to escape from being in camp and also to have a chance to travel to somewhere i haven been to why not?Anyway no 1 in camp actually understands how i feel when i get rashes...mayb perhaps only cpt lai..but well he's gone..so there's no reason for them to comment on whether i should come ornot..and even when i had rashes i still walked with the team and still carried on...i never did once whined or complained to any of them...and because of that they were like "eh u look ok wat, ur rashes ok le ah? " Do i have to TELL THE WHOLE WORLD that my rashes is painful then im unwell? Even if i do they wont feel the pain also wat..seriously dun understand...wats wrong...?i cant get downgraded yet so i might as well not stay in camp and get tortured..
Then the worst thing that happened here was that someone i regard as a good fren actually said quite a few things that made me feel quite hurt..things like "why?u wanna comment on this?u wanna comment on this too?","eh kaypoh over here already ah?"
Its so hurting hearing this from some1 u regard as a good fren..and i never expect him to be some1 doing this..i tot he understands or at least noe wat kinda person i am and how i do things or talk...mayb he's joking with me..or wat..i dunno...but jus wanna say...im hurt..
I got to know that people has been talking behind my back regarding where i go when there's nitez out cos i NEVER go out with them..but well wats the reason behind it? have they ever considered wat they do during every nitez out?jus play DOTA DOTA and more DOTA...and i DUN play DOTA..so whats wrong with me finding my own frenz to go out to eat or jus walk around..?and so wat if their GUYS? dun be ASSholes stereotyping pple...Girls are much more busier with their Uni lor..i dun even get to meet much of my girl frenz during the weekends....and i do go out with them if they were doing something meaningful...like some1's bday...although i was meeting my fren but i still cancelled it to go with them to celebrate the bday...isn't that enough?wat more they expect from me?
Im not the type to conform...and the more u want me to conform the more i wont..i hate being conformed to wat pple thinks its the best to do..or most fun to do..jus like in jc.. I chose softball cos i wanted to do something different from people...some skill people dun jus pick up at any soccer field with a ball..but actually needs more brains then tat..to be good in...
I AM REALLY tired le...gimme a break lar...its jus a 2yrs 4months..why did i go thru it like it was 20yrs...i jus need the letter from the specialist when im back...i'll get it at all cost this time...i jus hope i get posted out...Ken told me "no pt posting out wat u only have so much more months left...why go thru a new environment and get to noe new pple..jus endure and get thru with it.." But i really cant bear with it le...with such "management" and such "colleagues" i rather i post out..its really sad...feeling low....pick myself up again and then get smacked in the face that hey im actually trying too hard..haven't i changed enough to suit people?I've learnt to mellow down alot..to not speak unnecessarily and offend pple..if its still this problem that's causing me the trouble,so be it...i rather be truthful..
fEeLing Indifferent..Air Turbulence at 9:33 AM